What is wrong with my daughter?

Question

I've had a lot of trouble with my 15 year old daughter in the past; depression, a suicide attempt, and shes been diagnosed aspergers and borderline personality traits and is now home schooled due to bullying.

I was talking with her, and she casually mentioned about how everything she does is pretty much a lie. Without a hint of remorse. She told me she faked depression and suicidal tendencies (when was ten) to get out of doing homework (we pulled her out of school as soon as she told us she wanted to die). She then laughed because she found it funny that psychiatrists, her parents, numerous teachers and students at her old school had all fallen for it.

Can you believe it, she said, that they all fell for this ten year old girl? I'm so brilliant!

I asked her why she continued after she left, and she shrugged and said when we sent her to a psychiatrists it was a challenge she'd set for herself to get meds. Which she got. She didn't take them, she says, they were basically just a trophy, a reminder of how smart and brilliant she was. She threw them away behind our back after. This is when she was TEN. She told me she found it funny how easy it was, and how stupid everyone was.

She said she'd faked other disorders at school (anorexia, social anxiety) 'because it was really funny', that she'd faked personalities and that I'd probably never met the actual her. She said she'd told the youth group leader she'd seen demons and had vision (her youth group leader fell for it, which she finds hilarious).

She faked suicide last year (she said she'd taken just enough pills to make herself through up) to get out of school (because she couldn't be bothered getting up, and homeschooling sounded fun) and mainly to get back at me.

Because I'd done something that week she didn't like, which she can't even remember anymore. She faked a suicide note which blamed me for her "depression" and "suicide", just to make me feel terrible.

She went back to school next year, then got bored with it and faked tears and aspergus and social anxiety to get out of it.

As she told me this she had glee in her eyes and a twisted smile on her face. She then proceeded to tell me what a **** up of a parent I was and that she had came from MY womb, and how did I feel about that? When I asked her why she just laughed and said because it got what she wanted done and that it was hilarious and she wanted to test herself, to see just what she could get away with.

I'm actually really scared, can you tell me what's going on?

Answer 1

You took her to see psychiatrists sounds like you need to see them on your own & tell them what you have said here she needs help that she isn't willing to take from you. This might sound rough but she is now 15 she's had 5 years to mess with your mind have a hard think about some form of intervention. Only you can decide what form it should be. Make it a joint effort with her doctors get them together to see what options are open to you so you can help her.



Maybe the borderline personality traits are worse then first thought.



No mother should be scared of their teenage child its not right.



Was a carer to my emotionally disturbed 12 year old nephew for 6 months. He dared me to get a butchers knife for him so he could slit his wrists & throat. All sharp objects were put under lock & key straight away. He was a habitual runaway. Get help for your daughter before she decides to give running away a go.

Answer 2

Your daughter obviously has a mental problem. I understand why you are scared. Did you ever think she might have taken the pills because she was sick, and then is just telling you a story to get attention? No matter which way you look at it, she has a problem. Go and tell the psychiatrist what she told you, and make her talk to him. If he is good (or she, of course), he will be able to tell what is wrong. For right now, put her back in school. She thinks that with this behaviour, she will get home schooling. Show her she will get the opposite. And I suggest not leaving any pill bottles around the house, just if she tries to seek attention by making herself sick again. Then follow the doctor's advice.



And about making you feel terrible with the note, tell her she is being stupid and that you can't go through life like that. Cause there is no such thing as a home job where you can faint suicide if you don't like it.



Get her into counseling! And make sure she doesn't get any pills. And if it is a mental condition that is only controlled by chemicals, you control the pills. Stuff them down her throught if you have to. And then keep the bottly safely hidden or locked away, or she will just do the same thing over and over again.

Answer 3

Does she talk to her mates? Maybe so but she has them all cautioned not to tell! Potential boyfriends? What took place 6 months ago to start this off/ something did, rape, sexual attack, knocked down by some bigger guys she's now afraid of? Hard to establish if she wants a school move? Will she write for you or point at stuff? Hope the homework is being kept up with at least. If necessary morse code or deaf sign language may help open her up a bit. Hard to say what will work without seeing er. You need to try these communication methods she may get bored of no one passing the salt if you all pretend you don't know what she wants. Not sure if this is selective mutism, is there anyone she will talk to? Wonder what would happen if she saw an accident with hurt people will she be able to call emergency for help? She seems very disconnected from life. with depression possibly. Am shocked they kicked her out for oppositional behaviour isn't that what they work on? I'd take the pressure off just be normal and carry on with your lives and see. In another 6 months I'd be worried but she will want a job or income at 1 point so she will need to talk some time. Making too much fuss can make this more entrenched. Ask her things at table as if she can reply then ignore her if she fails to respond. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

I'm sorry, this must be difficult to hear as a parent, but I don't think you are responsible for this happening in your child.



She has a psychological disorder - maybe not all of the ones that she was 'faking,' but she does have a pathological disorder that involves a desire for attention, lying and anti-social behavior. She is also trying to assert control over you.



I would suggest that you bring her to a psychologist with you and you both work it out together. If she refuses, perhaps you could say something like, "Well I take your suicidal tendencies very seriously and I don't know if I believe that you were faking, so maybe you should stay at the psychiatric hospital until everything's sorted out." It will be extremely difficult for you to do, and might even make you feel like you're a horrible parent because of how angry your daughter will be, but you would be doing the right thing.



Good luck with everything.

Answer 5

Aspergers and BPD would be a very complicated dual diagnosis. One that I cannot even speculate how they would interact with each other.

So let me start with borderline....

Part of the most noticeable trait to this disease is a lack of remorse. There is a tremendous need for you, her, and everyone who has contact with her to educate yourselves on this disease. Here is a link to Amazon for some books that may give you what you need. Check out the reviews to find one that works best for you. I would recommend "Walking on Egg Shells" for you and "Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living With Borderline Personality Disorder" for you and your daughter.



http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b_0_19?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=borderline+personality+disorder&sprefix=borderline+personal



What you need to do: Keep all appointments with a qualified mental health TEAM (therapist, psychiatrist, case manager, nurse, etc). Follow their recommendations. Keep up with medications yourself and be prepared to do the "under the tongue" check each time. Maintain a journal for yourself - and have your child do the same if she will. Educate yourself. Find a good social support system that focuses on personality disorders. AVOID having people who have no experience or knowledge of BPD assessing or "judging" your child's behaviors. BPD and Aspergers have a lot of social issues and stigmas that will be interpreted wrong by the average person and will cause you to judge yourself, your parenting, your child, and your child's teachers wrongly. Education will help you identify what your daughter does and says to you that is the disease and what is the real her.

Answer 6

ok i am sorry that you are having difficulties with handling your daughter, and it is very obvious that she is a problem, but honestly i think that there was a lack of proper parenting in this situation. No ten year old will be that rude and cruel just by nature, she had to have felt neglected or a very big lack of attention. I think she just learned way to fast how easy it is to manipulate the people who are willing to help. I also honestly think she be lives that she is doing nothing wrong, especially because she seems so self- consumed in her own world. Maybe i would go even as far to say she might have mental problems. Please go talk to a professional about this problem, without her. Do this while shes still young enough for you to legally make decisions for her so do it now before she gets in society.

Answer 7

Well time to crack the whip if she wants to act like a crazy person then treat her like a crazy person. I have Bi Polar disorder and lost my job, my girl friend, respect, dignity, my family, friends, church and etc. And just now starting to get it all back. You don't deserve this nor does anyone else. Step up and do what needs to be done or you will regret it as she become more bolder and fool hardy. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

She wants attention; which is normal. While she is smart, she is not smart enough to hold her ego in check. So, she lied- it is the currency of the ethos we live in today. From the Congress on down ,we traffic in lies. It is what she sees that works for the most successful in our society. So, what to do? Really there is nothing wrong with your daughter at all ,it is society that is wrong. We have forgotten the basic love and kindness of the family life.Tell her you love her and then, move on to changing the society so that your grandchildren will have an honest world to live in. Yes, the Hippies were right. I hope you understand I am just doing the best I can just like you are. I love you is often the only truth that works. Attention and acceptance are all we can give each other in the end. Look for the Zen in the world.

Answer 9

Not to be cruel, but she sounds VERY spoiled to me. She apparently learned at an early age how to manipulate you and has turned it into a twisted game. I'm afraid the kid is right about your parenting skills, but the damage has already been done. Now it's time for some serious discussion with her doctors as to how to correct this problem. A good dose of reality, as in boot camp or something similar might be in order. I dunno, I never let my kids get away with that much.......

Answer 10

I think your daughter is deeply hurt for some reason just be there for her as much as you can as for YOU are the best antidote to this~ not sending her to doctors because she doesnt have any diseases shes just a little girl and she will eventually learn in her own way.